Freud called it the superego, Reckless called it inner containment, and Hirschi calls it self-control. Homer Simpson has two devils on his shoulders. Whatever it is, I have a strong inner censor. Much of my thought process goes into weighing exactly what I'm going to say and considering the potential repercussions. That's why I tend to be rather quiet and very reserved. This doesn't make it easy sometimes in Second Life. I'm not very outgoing, and I tend to keep to myself. That, of course, doesn't mean I have no need for or interest in friends. I love meeting people. But, often, I find myself alone, wandering around, listless, and solitary.
One place that is wonderful for solitary thought and contemplation is Temple ex Obscurium. The dark, damp caves are perfect for thinking about the day's trials, and they somehow remind one that most of what we fret about isn't really all that important in the scheme of things. This is probably why I don't talk about my troubles all that much. The only time someone tried to read my palm, he said, "Wow, you really keep things to yourself, don't you?"
What do I have to complain about anyway?
Maybe this is why I'm only kinda goth. Almost goth. Sorta goth. My life just isn't that bad. Is having a troubled past, or horrible parents, or some other trauma a prerequisite? I just like those old Vincent Price movies, and The Mission, and the color black. But in most things, I see the light, even in the darkest of hours (like in Quaddryl).
But, there is one thing that is, and has always been, missing from my life. It is the one thing that breaks my heart. It is my one pain. I've never found "true love." Is it because I'm so strange? A strange, quiet, reserved person. I suppose it's not the right combination to grab the attention of appropriate suitors.
So, alas, I walk through life alone. It seems to be my destiny.
And I think I'm OK with that. I have my doggies, after all. They keep me company, and comfort me when I'm down. They don't judge, and they're always happy to see me - no matter what.
In the meantime, perhaps I should just lie in wait and be ready to pounce. There must be a nice man out there somewhere who is looking for a kinda goth girl like me.